i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
