I wannas sexs uuuuu
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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