why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
