Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize