I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
