The maid of honor just puked.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
