I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
