i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
