Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
