Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
