the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
