You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ๐๐
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said โstroke.โ
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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