Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
