Barsexuality is the new black.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
