i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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