my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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