so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
