you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
