why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
