is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
