Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
