I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
