Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
