I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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