He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize