about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
