She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
