I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize