dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
This baby is an asshole
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
