I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
