I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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