I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
