I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
