yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
