I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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