I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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