I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
