Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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