I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize