why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
soo... how was my night?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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