He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize