It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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