Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
