All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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