Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize