forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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