Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
