You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
