she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I want her autograph on my taint
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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