I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
