you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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