I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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