I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
