im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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