my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
50% drunk capacity currently
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
