Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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