we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
