Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
