sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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