If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
