It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize