i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
