The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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