Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
