I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
