I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
