we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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