dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
