Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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