The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
