Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
