Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize