when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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