tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
