everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
