There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
