Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
