I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
