Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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