Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
