proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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