take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
