Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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