duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
